scijessreads

I actually posted Chapter 3 as a random snippet here before.

If you missed it, here is Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

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The entire time Drake and the girls were at the house watching movies, I found myself curled up next to Drake on the couch, head resting on his shoulder. It was instinctual, and after a few raised eyebrows from Amy and Sienna, I stopped caring that they saw. I would hear it from them later, but right now, I just snuggled. Drake’s arm draped over the back of the couch, but would occasionally brush his fingers up and down my bicep. My head tucked under his arm, and I tangled my fingers into the hand that wasn’t around me. In the fading sunlight, I focused on how my lightly suntanned fingertips traced random patterns in his palm, his own darker brown fingers flexing gently at my exploration. 

Honestly, I was surprised that Amy didn’t haul me off the couch and into one of the bedrooms to immediately start some sort of interrogation. Drake and I had never been physically demonstrative in any form in high school. And all she knew about us at the moment was what I had told her – that we had started our own text thread and would occasionally chat with each other. Yeah, that was a gross oversimplification of things. 

Across the giant sectional, I could hear whispers coming from Amy and Sienna, their heads bowed, completely ignoring the mayhem of John Wick playing out on screen. For a brief moment, I wanted to pull away from Drake and hide, not sure I could face my other friends and attempt to explain what was happening. I still didn’t know what was happening. 

“Stop it” Drake spoke softly into my hair, dragging his hand up my arm to massage my neck. 

“I’m not doing anything” I whisper back. 

“You’re worrying about what others are going to think. Stop it.”

“How…” I shift and look up. His glasses reflect the flickering images of fighting on the TV, but I can still see his eyes. They’re dark, almost depthless in shadow, but make me feel so seen. He won’t let me hide. 

“I know you, Jade.” He pulls my head back to his shoulder and turns back to the screen. Damn it, he really does. Amy and Sienna glance over, knowing half-smiles playing out on their faces before turning back to the movie. Great. I take a deep breath, letting it out in a shaky exhale. 

By the end of movie number three, everyone is ready to head home. And I am ready to crawl under the covers and hide from the twisting knot of anxiety and need starting to take over my insides.

“OK, as much as I wanted to make this a four-movie John Wick marathon, I’m raising the white flag. We’ve still got to drive down the hill.” Sienna stands up, stretching her slim arms to the ceiling. She turns to grab Amy’s hand and pull her off the couch. “Rock, paper, scissors for who gets to drive home?” 

“I fold, you drive” Amy responds, yawning. 

“That’s not how the game works and you know it” Sienna huffs. 

“Don’t care. You’re driving.”

“It’s like you two never separated,” I smile. “Come on, you can grab some snacks and caffeine to keep you awake for the drive. And if you really need to, you can stay here tonight. There’s an extra spare bedroom.”

Amy shakes her head. “Thanks, but I want my own bed for as long as I can get it. The dorm beds suck. Like, one step up from cardboard on the floor.”

“True. Just drive safe and text me when you get home.” 

“Yes, Mom,” Amy giggles. 

I get up to walk everyone to the front door, ignoring her snark. Despite her eye-roll, I know she’ll text. As much as Amy adopted me like a stray kitten, she’s also let me take over being the voice of reason for her high-strung self. Sienna is too much of a free spirit to truly reign her in. Honestly, the two of them are the ones that need to get over themselves and start dating. They would be perfect for each other. 

Drake keeps his hand in mine as we migrate to the porch. With the light pollution from the city far enough away, the stars are out in full force, speckling across the darkening sky. While I don’t regret moving away to go to college, I do miss these night skies. As a little girl, I would lay out in the grass at night and spend hours just staring at the pinpoints of light, imagining what worlds might exist out there. Imagining what life could be like if I were different. 

My two girlfriends made a hasty retreat from the front porch in the inky midnight, waving behind them as they dashed to leave like they found a second wind from the tiredness claimed just moments ago. My eyes can’t help but roll. They couldn’t be more obvious about leaving Drake and me alone if they tried. And they absolutely did not try. Amy is so not going to let me off the hook tomorrow, she’s going to want to know everything.

Drake looks at me from the top step of the porch, dark eyes so brown they’re almost black. His short, spiky haircut tempting me to drag my fingers through it to mess up the carefully applied gel that he always used to style it just so. I stand on the porch itself, a single step up from him, putting us at the same height, him being only a few inches taller than my own 5’7” of generous curving softness. Avoiding his gaze, I slide my eyes down, to the side, to the sky, anywhere but at him. Being this close, alone, in person, is so different than baring my soul to him through that damn messaging app on my computer or FaceTime in the middle of the night. 

We had spent so much time talking to each other at a distance, and I wasn’t prepared for what would happen now that we were both in the same space. Could I utter those same feelings in person, face-to-face? I wanted to. I wanted him to wrap his strong arms, strong from summers of manual labor and slinging heavy boxes in restaurants, around me and hold me close and never let go. 

We had been building up this great tension between us, neither of us wanting to snap the band and see what happened when it all finally got released into the world, into the space between us. Which, right at that moment, was a very minuscule amount of space. We had both plucked at it on the couch this evening, but it was still strung taught. Vibrating. My hazel eyes closed tight, and I leaned forward to rest my forehead against his, one hand wrapped tightly to his, the other holding the railing in a death grip. 

I was practically breathing in his exhaled breaths. The porchlight and the moonlight made everything seem much more surreal. It gave us the illusion that we could hide in the shadows, even though we could both clearly see each other, slivers of reflected light bouncing off both of our glasses, allowing us a chance to not have to directly look into each others’ eyes. 

Drake broke first. He leaned forward, one hand covering the one I had gripping the railing, the other tugging me closer, pulling me toward his magnetic orbit. He angled his head to the side and brushed his lips against mine. At first hesitant, and when I didn’t pull away, urgent. He kissed me like I had always imagined I wanted to be kissed. Lips soft and pressing, gently going back again and again for another taste. I followed, my hand releasing his and coming up to his head and lacing behind his neck pulling us closer. I opened to him, letting his tongue chase mine. I sank into the kiss, practically leaning all my weight against his solid form as we stood there in the yellow glow of the porchlight, trading kisses back and forth like we didn’t want to stop, as if this moment was everything that ever was and ever would be. I was rooted to the deck, but floating away in a fuzzy euphoria, my heart racing to catch up. 

Finally, we came apart, and all I could do was take in a gulp of air and let my eyes close. I couldn’t face his reaction, not yet. What we had done… this was my first kiss. Yes, I was almost 20 years old, and this was my first kiss. And Drake knew it. We had talked about it during one of our many conversations over the last year. I was afraid to let it end and face reality. 

It was a damn good kiss. I wanted more. Did Drake want more too? Suddenly, I was afraid again, sinking into myself. Before I could speak, Drake released the hand that had been over mine on the railing, cupping my cheek and running the calloused pad of his thumb under my eye. 

“I have been wanting to do that since I first got here. Fuck, Jade, please tell me you’re not going to close up and run away from this.” I heard his voice catch, the rough edge highlighting how much emotion he was trying to keep in check. 

For me. He was waiting to see how I would react. Fuck, he did know me. Maybe better than I knew myself. 

“I’m not running, but I am… cautious. This is not the same as talking over the phone. I… you know I don’t have a lot of experience here.” My voice trembles. I don’t want to cry, but it’s so close to the surface. I have spent so much of my life hiding my true self to not be hurt by others. It feels like Drake, like this moment, is scraping along a raw nerve. Drake draws his arms around my back, holding tightly, fingertips dipping into the soft skin at my hips. I let myself rest against him.

“I know. We should talk more, in daylight when both of us are not so tired or so… worked up” he finishes. I nod into his chest. He grasps my chin, tips my head back, and claims my lips again, his mouth and tongue warm, drawing out an almost silent moan from inside me as I chase the sensation of dizziness that comes with his kisses. I feel like I’m drowning, and Drake is both the water overtaking me and the hand trying to pull me out. 

As much as I don’t want Drake to leave, he does have to drive down the mountain to get back to his parents’ house. Reluctantly, I pull away again and gently push my palm against his sternum. I can feel his heartbeat under my hand. Its rapid beat matches my own, and I feel tethered to him for a moment, a new thread forming in our relationship. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow. I can come back here tomorrow, right?” Drake brushes my hair behind my ear.

“Yeah, come back tomorrow. I…” my voice trails off. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“Thank you? For what?” Drake looks adorably confused for a moment.

“For not pushing me right now. For seeing me. You are the only one that sees the real me.” 

Drake gives me a gentle smile, squeezing the hand that rests on his chest. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Get some sleep. Try not to overthink things. We’ll figure all of this – ” he draws an invisible line between the two of us “ – out. It will just take a little time to work out the details.”

I snort. I’d be up all night replaying this moment in my head, analyzing and overanalyzing every single detail. I would overthink my grocery list if given the time. Drake slowly lets me go, his fingers falling from my waist in a lingering pull away, and turns toward his car. He opens the door for his beat-up Toyota Camry, slides inside, starts the engine, and slowly pulls away from the house. As he turns to the road, he raises a hand and waves. I wave back, and then head back inside the house, locking up behind me and heading to the guest bedroom. I flop onto the bed fully clothed, too worked up to change into pajamas. I just lay there, eyes staring at the ceiling fan as it slowly spun in circles, replaying the entire night over again in my head. Like I knew I would. Sleep is slow in coming, but eventually, I close my eyes and manage to let the darkness tuck itself in around me and lull me into a dreamless rest.