scijessreads

Here’s the next installment of my writing progress. The previous chapters can be found under the “Writing & More” page linked in the header.

Also, this section contains some “spicy-ish” material, and is suitable for 18+ readers. FYI.

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“You’re afraid of being inexperienced, of approaching any sort of sexuality or intimacy with another person. It can be difficult, even in the best of situations, to trust that your partner has your best interest at heart.” Drake pulls me back from my wandering thoughts, and I tilt my head up, resting my chin on his chest and letting him see my eyes. He always wants to see my eyes. They don’t try to lie to him. They don’t try to hide anything, because everything I feel is clearly exposed in them, especially for those who know how to look. 

“Baby, we’ll take all of this at your pace. Your trust means more to me than anything else. I want this. I want you, and I will wait for you until you are ready to give all of yourself to me. Until you are ready to trust me with all of you, even the parts you desperately want to hide. You know how patient I am.” The rough pads of his fingers trace gentle lines across my temple, my cheek, and my chin. 

“But what if I can’t give all of myself to you?” It comes out as barely a whisper. 

“You’ve already started. You’ve given me parts of your soul that you never show anyone else. And I don’t take that lightly. For you to give any of that to me… I am forever grateful that I can see and know those parts of you that you hold so close.” He ends his gentle declaration by tucking the fingers of his right hand under my chin and holding it, while the left continues to press me tightly to his front. 

“You didn’t really answer my question.” I let my hazel eyes sink into his dark gaze, finding his slightly dilated pupils beneath the glare of sunlight bouncing off the lenses of our glasses. I’m pretty sure my eyes are still wet with tears, but I see the care and concern in his gaze. I want to say there is love too, but thinking that thought out loud will just make me panic further, so I push it aside, shoving it deep down and not letting it take root. Not yet. When I look at him, I immediately feel a sense of calm. He brushes his knuckles over my cheek, catching the last of the tears and wiping them away. 

“I think you can give all of yourself, and that it will just take time. But, if you truly can’t, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I honestly can’t answer that now, as much as I would love to.” I nod, thankful at least that he’s not trying to sugarcoat anything or not acknowledge that it could be a possibility for me. 

“OK.” I nod at him. The corner of his mouth turns up a fraction. 

“OK? OK to what, J? I need you to be a bit more specific than that.”

“OK to trying, to giving us a real chance. Because I want you too, D. Even if it scares me, I want to try. You make me feel safe. You let me be me, and I think I need that right now.” I finally release the tight hold I’ve had on his shirt and bring one palm up to rest on the center of his chest. “But, we still need to — “

“Set some boundaries and expectations, I know. How about we take this orange chicken inside, eat some food, watch some TV, and after we’ve had a chance to relax a bit after you’ve had a chance to start working through the waterfall of thoughts in your head, we can talk more.” He grins fully this time, flashing a hint of his bright white smile, a contrast against his deep brown skin. I step back to grab onto his hand a start walking toward the house. My own lightly tan fingers intertwine with his. He grabs the Panda Express bag from the seat and shuts his car door, hitting the lock button on his keys. The car beeps as we walk up the steps into air-conditioned comfort.

---

“Seriously, I could live on orange chicken,” I drop my fork onto the stack of empty take-out containers littering the coffee table and sit up, stretching my arms above me. Drake takes this opportunity to run his fingers along the soft skin at my waist that peeked out from under my tank top that had risen slightly with my stretch. “Stop, that tickles!” I cry out, trying to pull away from his grasp. Drake just huffed out a laugh and closed his fingers around the sides of my waist, digging into the rounded curves and pulling me toward his lap. 

“If you ate any more orange chicken, you would turn into one,” he joked, positioning me on his lap so my ass sat firmly on this cargo-shorts-covered thighs and my legs draped over, knees settling on the couch cushion. Instinctively, I looped my hands around his neck and tucked my face against the juncture of his neck and shoulder, burrowing in and letting a quick kiss fall to the skin visible at the collar of his shirt. He wrapped one hand around my waist and the other grasped firmly to my thigh, fingertips digging softly into my dimpled flesh. I tucked my feet closer so I was more fully seated on him, rather than the couch. 

“I like this, I could sit like this with you forever,” I murmured. 

“Me too, baby. Holding you is my favorite thing to do, now that I can.”

“I guess we’re talking now?” My head tilted up slightly to try and look up at his face. One of my hands went to the back of his neck, fingers raking softly up the nape to his hairline, up and down. 

“That feels so good. Maybe lightly scratch with your nails? And yes, we’re talking now.” He closed his eyes with a faint groan, bending his head back into my touch as I lightly scratched his neck. That faint groan made me blush. Made me think of other things I could do that would make him make that same sound. And then I blushed even more. 

“Fine. But you need to start because if we leave this up to me I might resort to charades or carrier pigeon so I don’t have to say anything out loud.” Drake cracks open his eyes at me, raising one eyebrow. 

“Carrier pigeon? That seems a little extreme, even for you, J.” I catch the crinkle in his eye as he continues talking. “OK, then, I’ll start. What are comfortable with doing right now? I know we kissed, and we both like cuddling like this on the couch. But where can I touch you? Where can I not touch you? Limits, baby, tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.”

I try to delay my answering by taking my glasses off and reaching behind me to rest them on the side table, then tucking back into his neck. “Is it weird that I’m almost twenty, and yet still have so little experience when it comes to these sorts of things?” I finally ask. 

“No. We all have different timelines for things. Just because we have different levels of experience with physical intimacy doesn’t make you weird, baby. It’s just part of who you are. I don’t think I’m as experienced as you seem to think I am, either.”

“But, I have no reference for anything.” 

“Still doesn’t matter.” 

I huff lightly and pull back slightly so I can see his face. One hand stays at his nape, the other reaches for one of his at my waist. I clasp it in mine and bring his palm up to my cheek, tilting my head to rest on it as I settle my own hand on top of his. He traces his thumb over my skin as I finally take a breath and respond to his original questions. “Right now… I like this, I like touch. It grounds me and reminds me that this is real. I want to be able to touch you, and you me, in private and in public. Kissing is good too,” I blush and close my eyes, pushing further into his palm. 

“I like all of that too, so good. Are you fine with kissing in public? Or do you want that just between us for now?”

“I, – We…” I stumble as my cheeks burn hot and turn even more red. “Kissing in public is good.” My voice is almost a whisper. “I mean, Amy and Sienna already know, so I’m sure they’ve spread the word to everyone else that even remotely knows us.”

“How far do you want touching to go, at least when it’s just us?” This question makes me release his hand and practically faceplant into his chest, trying to hide the crimson that I am sure is spreading across the rest of my skin now. Drake chuckles and presses a quick kiss to my hair. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed, baby.”

“I know… I just, this is…” I trail off, my words muffled in his t-shirt. He lets me sit with my jumbled emotions for a moment. I think I might love this man. Boy. Friend. Whatever. And what the hell was I doing thinking about love right now when I could barely wrap my brain around something as relatively simple as having him touch me. But touch wasn’t necessarily easy for me to accept, either. I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I jump into these sorts of things as easily as my other friends? Why were physical and emotional intimacy so hard for me to accept, when those were the two things that I craved so much? I took a deep breath, slowly blowing it out before speaking again. “I think that part of me wants everything, wants you to do everything, but another other part of me is afraid that it will be hard for me to say no to you, even if I’m not ready for something.”

“And that’s why we’re doing this. Setting boundaries, so I know where to stop without you having to worry that it will go too far. If it makes you feel better about things, we can also use a safe word.” Drake squeezes my thigh.

“Not like I’m expecting any sort of kinky relationship, but safe words can be good for all sorts of situations.”

“How are you so damn sure of all of this? How do you know about all of this? We’re the same age, and I feel like I’m way out of my depth with you and all of everything.” My hand waves in the air, like I’m trying to fling something away. 

“I trust myself and my feelings for you,” he says simply, tucking my hand back against his chest and holding it close. Deep breath, Jade. Take a deep breath and just say what you want. You can do this, he won’t laugh at you. I give myself a little pep talk before speaking again. 

“So, I guess for now, when it’s just us, you can touch me anywhere with your hands, but your mouth needs to stay above the waist. And no getting naked below the waist either.” He nods thoughtfully at my decision. 

“OK. I am good with keeping those same rules for how you touch me as well. And I do think we should have a safe word, still. In case you need to stop things, even things you already said you might want. You can always change your mind, baby.” His soft lips come down to press gently against mine. I parted my own lips slightly, giving him room to gently run his tongue along the seam. I shift in his lap, coming to a straddle across his thighs and clutching at his shoulders. I tilt sideways, avoiding bumping into his glasses, and open up the kiss, chasing his tongue with my own. He follows and bites gently on my lower lip before his tongue enters my mouth and he begins to kiss me even deeper, one hand clutching at my denim-covered ass, the other holding to the back of my head, pressing me closer to his face. My insides turn all shivery as I lose myself to the heat of his mouth on mine, our breaths mingling. Oh. My. God. Kissing Drake is going to quickly become my new favorite thing. He’s playful, gentle, and gives a little bit of bite. I’m pretty sure that I’ve turned into a squirming mess, my hands running back and forth along his shoulders, pulling him closer, or me closer, I can’t really tell. He nips at my lower lip again and then moves his mouth to the soft skin underneath my ear. His breath tickles gently, and then he’s sucking sweet little kisses along the side of my neck, into the crease where it meets my collar, his tongue licking out at each kiss. 

“Fuck, that feels so good,” I moan. Drake smiles against my skin. 

“I love it when you curse, baby. It makes me feel like I’m turning you to the dark side.”

“Are you seriously making a Star Wars joke right now?” I pant, tilting my neck closer to his still-roving lips. I don’t want him to stop. Our conversation has very much run off the rails now, and I can’t find it in me to complain. Or worry. All I want is his lips back on mine. Who the hell am I, and what happened to overthinking, anxious Jade?

Drake slowly moves his lips along my jaw, trailing light kisses toward the corner of my mouth. He places one last lingering kiss on my lips, leaving tingles as he finally pulls back. His hands were holding to my hips now, still keeping me tight on his lap, anchoring me in place. I give a small squeal as his fingers tickle my waist, lightly slapping one hand against his chest in half-hearted protest. 

“First of all, that wasn’t really a Star Wars joke. And second of all, we still need to finish our talk. Even though I would much rather continue kissing you.” A sly grin spreads across his face at my pained grimace. 

“First of all, it was. You could have used any other phrase than ‘the dark side’ if you didn’t want to make me think about Star Wars. And second of all, do we really?” I whined, trailing my fingers down to rest over his beating heart. 

“Yes, we really do. I still need you to give me a safe word. I promise the moment we finish, we can go back to what we just interrupted. Do you know just how long I’ve been wanting to do this with you? To finally hold you in my arms, knowing that you wanted the same thing as me? I have been waiting for the past year, every time we talked online, to finally get to touch you, to be with you. And I would wait as long as you needed to get to the same place as me, but now that we’re here, I am not letting you go.” There was nothing but truth in his chocolate gaze. He looked at me, heat and want and care – maybe even love – shining in his eyes. Without any frame of reference, I wasn’t sure I would be able to notice it if I had any of these sorts of feelings for someone. What did love and like and desire actually feel like? They felt like everything held right now in Drake’s eyes. In one look, I could finally understand what all the damn romance novels were talking about. That look that made my body turn all warm and gooey inside, made me want to squirm on his lap to see just how much I could affect him, too. 

Damn, Jade. You have definitely fallen off the deep end now. “OK, safe word. How about ‘buttercup’?”

“Buttercup? That works. And why a Princess Bride reference? I mean, you were just getting on me about Star Wars.”

“Because it’s something I’ll remember and nothing that I would even remotely say during any sort of physical activity.”

“Baby, if we’re going to be engaging in ‘physical activity’ you’re going to have to start using the actual terms, and not some G-rated euphemism.” Drake chuckles. I glare. 

“That wasn’t a euphemism! And I will, once we get to any sort of activity that requires said terms.” My arms cross over my chest as I continue to give him the stink-eye. He responds by taking his hands at my hips and starting to dig his fingertips into my lower back, effectively giving me a trigger point massage. Which makes me groan and lean forward onto him again. “Not fair. You can’t just derail my indignant anger with your magic fingers.” The words come out before I realize just how they could be construed. 

“Magic fingers, huh? You haven’t seen magic yet, baby,” Drake laughs. I love his laugh. It’s loud and ringing. It makes me feel happy, even when I want to grumble at his awful dad-joke humor. 

“Not what I meant, and you know it.” Drake doesn’t say anything else, just continues to dig into my muscles, turning my insides into swirling heat and butterflies. 

“So, to summarize, we’re basically good for topless heavy petting, lots of touching and cuddling, and your safe word is ‘buttercup.’ And at any point, if you want to change the boundaries, we’ll talk again.” He punctuates his statement with another lingering kiss, tilting my head up so he can lean down and gently take my mouth with his. This close, with as much as I’ve been tucked into his body, I am suddenly more aware of his scent. It’s mostly a deep spice, like cardamom, from his cologne and a little hint of citrus from his shampoo and hair gel. A combination that I never thought of much until now, until it surrounds me and I realize that it has come to be the smell of home. 

Too quickly, my revelation is replaced with the feeling of Drake’s tongue sliding across my lower lip. My own lips part on instinct, and my tongue dances with his as I sink lower into his lap. There is no mistaking the hard bulge that rests underneath me, and I can’t help but squirm at the heat that floods my lower body at the feel of him beneath me, affected by me. 

Releasing my mouth slowly, Drake uses his hands to pull me tighter, groaning as he closes his eyes and sighs out “J, you need to stop moving. I like to think I have pretty good control, but you squirming on my lap is not helping.”

“Sorry, not sorry?” I giggle. 

“You’re a damn siren.” His mouth finds mine again, and then quickly trails kisses lower, down my neck and across my collar bones, his hands never leaving my ass. I lean forward and kiss gently under his ear, the soft skin there warm. Everything about Drake is warm, inviting, and safe. 

We make out for what seems like hours. When we finally manage to part long enough to glance at a clock, I find that it’s only been thirty minutes. The longest, most intoxicating thirty minutes of my life. 

“I’m gonna need you to either sit completely still for a bit or get off and go sit somewhere else.” Drake huffs into my ear. 

“Why?”

“Because I need a moment to get myself under control, and your constant moving around on my lap is not helping, even though I would rather you not leave my side at all.” 

My eyes round, and then I smile. Oh. It gives me a little thrill of pleasure to know that I can do something like this to Drake. That I can make his body respond to me like mine does to him. Because I never thought this was something that I would be able to have with another person. I slowly slide backward toward his knees and then lean to the side to get my leg under me and on the floor. Once one is down, I stand so that one knee is on the couch and lean over to leave a quick kiss on his cheek before standing all the way up. He tries to adjust himself as I move away. 

“How about I find us some drinks while you, um, cool down?”

“Yeah, good, thanks.” He closes his eyes and leans his head to the back of the couch. 

Drake

I don’t think I will even get enough of kissing Jade. She really is a siren. I can hear her shuffling around the cabinets in the kitchen, finding us drinks. I reach down to press against my groin again, trying to will my dick to stand down. Having Jade’s body pressing down on me, melting into me, was something that my body definitely got on board with quickly. And as much as I wanted to grab her and toss her down on the couch to devour every inch of her soft skin, I knew we were a long way away from that being an option. 

We would take this slowly. I would take this as slowly as she needed. Because now that I had her, I was going to hold on to everything and do my best to keep her from running away again. Maybe this was slightly possessive behavior, but at the moment, I did not care. I was not wasting the opportunity I had to be with Jade, to know Jade, to show her that she was worthy of everything she had ever denied herself. 

Slowly, my body calmed down. When I opened my eyes again, Jade was setting down a glass of sparkling water on the coffee table in front of me. She went to the oversized and overstuffed armchair, tucking her legs underneath her and curling up into the corner of it. She always curled into the corner of whatever furniture she sat it.  Making herself as small as possible. She shouldn’t be making herself smaller, she should take up every room she entered. 

“Thanks, baby,” I reached forward for the glass and took a big swallow, the icy liquid cooling the heat inside me a little further. Although I don’t think anything would ever fully put out the flames that she stoked inside my blood. 

“So, um, how long can you stay tonight?” Jade absently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She pressed her own glass to her lips and took a sip, eyes staring at the edges of the coffee table. I hated that she always wanted to look away. 

“Look at me, J.” Her vivid hazel eyes locked onto mine. She hadn’t taken her glasses with her when she got off of my lap, they we still on the table by my side. It was nice to be able to see her face completely free of anything at the moment. Although I did love her in glasses. I loved her in anything. 

“I’ll stay as long as you want me to. I don’t have to be home tonight, and my parents don’t need me to watch Alondra until tomorrow afternoon.” She slowly nods, and I can tell she’s turning a thought over in her head. Working up the nerve to say it out loud. Afraid I’ll say no. When will she learn that I will never say no to her?

“Umm… will you, um, stay the night?” I’m raising my eyebrows as she hurries to continue. “Not, like to do anything, but, like, just to be here?”

“Of course, baby. I can sleep in the guestroom, or on the couch -” 

“No, um, with me? I mean, in the same bed, but with clothes on and everything and…” I stand up and walk over to her chair. Gesturing for her to move, I slide in and pull her to me, resting her head on my shoulder. 

“You want me to hold you? That’s it, right? You just want to be held?”

“I – yes. I want to be held. Without expectations.” Jade whispers. 

“No expectations. And yes, I’m happy to, baby. Anything for you. “